2003-06-15 * 12:30 a.m.
families suck

Jem is camping at a nearby lake with a shitload of families...Jem, a single 20-something guy, is voluntarily spending time with married people with children, a shitload of them. i simply don't get it...i'm not a big fan of children. i know it's unfair to blame children for their bad behavior rather than the bad parenting they're receiving, but it's just easier this way.

so i'm alone at his place and decided to piss the night away working on my diary. instead of going out and having fun, or even having dinner, i'm doing this...what the fuck is wrong with me? i do this, though...i get really engrossed in something and am not able to walk away until i feel i've progressed to my satisfaction. sure, my diary isn't that great, but i also haven't futzed with HTML in years, and i refuse to use an editor.

so Coop and i are on wonderful speaking terms. Coop is a sweet guy i saw for roughly 5 months after working with him last summer. i've been seeing Jem for about 1.5 years. that's right, i cheated on Jem with Coop, and neither knows about it, and that's the way i'm keeping it...no reason to hurt either, especially Jem. i cheat on Jem when i feel neglected, more specifically, when i feel completely undesirable and unsexy to Jem. Coop is the last person i've been with since seeing Jem, and i do believe i'm going to keep it that way...at least for now.

anyway, i've never been able to maintain a friendship with a guy i've broken up with, so being friends with Coop is a happy milestone for me.

another happy milestone occurred last night, when Jem was using his hand on me and i had an orgasm...i've never had an orgasm with someone else, whether through manual stimulation, sex, etc. i do, however, have orgasms all over the place with my own hand and lately my vibe. i wished i could have shared with Jem just how important that orgasm was for me, but i've been faking it for so long with him (and everyone) that there's no way i can tell him the truth about it now.

all i've eaten today is funyuns, bacon (even though i don't any other form of pork besides the occasional holiday ham), bread, and diet mountain dew. good lord, i can't wait for Jem to get back and cook for me...it's fun to be the "boy" in the relationship.

before * after

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