2003-06-27 * 6:36 p.m.
"Hide me from Day's garish eye." -Milton

it's raining...i adore the rain. whenever it starts to rain, everyone's face around me falls, and i absolutely light up. i'm alone right now and am so happy to be alone to enjoy this rain. if Jem were here, it'd be too loud to even hear it, let alone bask in the mood in which it showers me. each time i hear a car cut through the water outside, i nervously check if it's Jem; i sigh with relief each time it is not.

i love standing in the rain; i'm not one of those people that runs to the nearest awning the moment they spot a raindrop. there's something sensually melancholy about walking in the rain, letting it drench my clothes and wantonly caress the skin underneathe, dancing across my face and brazenly kissing my lips. and i love walking into my apartment and peeling off my clothing, allowing the cool air to greet my entire body all at once.

sometimes the rain is so soothing because it feels like the entire world is crying with me, and that, maybe for that moment, my pain is understood.

it's letting up a bit now, and my heart sinks. i can see the sunlight fighting its way through the relenting clouds...i do so loathe the garish light of day. everything seems to quietly perk up at the sunshine, except me. i retreat from the window, from the serenity in which i seldom luxuriate. i am thrust back into my usual state of confusion and anxiety. i wait.

before * after

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