2003-07-03 * 4:05 p.m.
broken

i've been on the verge of tears all day. i feel so utterly broken. Jem is gone camping for the next few days. i saw him today before he left. he said he was sorry for what he'd said, that "the way your face looked last night haunted me all morning." i told him not to be sorry...why should we apologize for saying the things we mean, when we should apologize for all the things we say but never could. i feel so wretched. i had not realized what a burden i am on him and how lacking i am at...everything. there is this pain that starts at the very core of me and radiates out to my skin, leaving it to feel electrified and prickly. i ache so and am so ashamed i literally cannot hold my head up. i am a miserable person. i cleaned up a bit while Jem was at work. i tried to keep my things confined to the few areas in which i am allowed. i dare not even eat any food from the kitchen. i am crying. i am whimpering.

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